The Rusted Musket

When I was a wee child it was practically a given that I would take up any opportunity for tom foolery.  The only obstacle keeping me from repeat crimes but not necessarily my most current shenanigan was this thing called “The Spank”.  Contrary to popular belief, this deterrent does work and did work because it hurt like hell.  Anyways, this is how it would typically go down.  I’d get in trouble with mom busting me and then telling me that dad was going to administer “The Spank” when he got home.  I’d live the rest of the afternoon with an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach till around 5 when I’d hear the garage door open whereby announcing the arrival of the supreme law and commander of the Kelm universe!  By this point you may have been wondering about the relevance of the title vs story but worry not because here is where it all ties together.  So, in the same way that the scientist Pavlov conditioned his dog to salivate when hearing a chime I would hear the garage door and not salivate of course but get the cold sweats of dread instead.  Even to this day, in a very very small way I get an unpleasant sensation in my innermost being when I hear a garage door opening…